Heat Rage

     It was unlike any summer, so hot you sat in the nearest shade just to catch your breath before continuing on. I was eight years old running around with friends on my block almost as if the heat wasn’t a factor. I remember so clearly running up my front cement stairs to an open door, watching as the curtains my mother had hanging up lightly blew around in the little wind coming through the windows. I made my way down the hall, noticing the silence in the house as I observed that there was no one in the house. I made it to the closet in my room when I had heard a noise behind me, but before I could react I was being yelled at and thrown to my bed. The man placed one hand over my mouth and told me to shut up as I tried yelling. The man who came in reaped the innocence’s of a little girl that day. After he was done I was tossed to the floor like one of the dolls on my bed, which were now scattered about. I walked away that day with a few minor scrapes and bruises but a lifetime of troubles ahead of me. As I made my way back down the hallway, the silence that followed the attack had become less peaceful. The curtains swaying in the wind became the only witness’ to my past, just ghosts mocking me in my own home. When I was eight I learned how to fear.

     This would not be the end of what seemed like an un-ending spiral of unfortunate events. I would like to share a quote from my favorite show Private Practice: “You ever been violated? Anybody rape you lately? Let me tell you what it’s like. You know those made for TV movies where some woman's crouched down naked in a shower holding her knees and sobbing because when she closes her eyes she can still feel the guys hands on her? How when they show the attack the woman's eyes go all blank and still and she goes to some other place in her mind just to deal with the horror of what's happening to her while some Lillith Fair song plays. It is nothing like that. He's sturdy and sweaty and he licks your face and wipes himself off in your hair and when you try to scream he punches you so hard you see God. And then he goes at you again reaping stuff you didn't even know you had because he enjoyed it so much the first time. I know you're trying to help but if helping me means that everyone is gonna be looking at me the way you're looking at me now please do not help me.”- Charlotte King played by KaDee Strickland

 As much as I love this quote at times, if you have ever been attacked, abused, or a loved one you know has been please do not feel alone. There are so many people out there that want to help. For instance my favorite site RAINN has helped hundreds of rape, abuse and incest victims as well as their families. I have a link to RAINN under my favorite websites sidebar.  Do not feel like you have to go it alone.  There is always hope.